For the third day in a row we were headed back to the Civil Affairs Office. Maggie had told us that it was really important to the people at the CAO to present the adoption certificate to each family. We all piled into the same room we had started out in and a girl from the day before started walking around the room passing out red plastic folders which contained the adoption certificates with our photos from the day before. After all of five minutes we were back on the bus and heading to the passport office to get our photos taken.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty quiet with a little walk and a long nap.
PADS (Depression) - August 17, 2006
Most people don't want to admit that they have or have suffered from depression. But I am not ashamed to admit that on this very important and happy day I had a lot of emotions going around in my head.
I had prayed for over five years about adopting as a single parent. I believe that children need a mom and a dad so this wasn't a decision I could make alone. On Thanksgiving day of 2004 my cousin Jacqui announced that she was having another baby. Three of my cousins (including Jacqui) had just given birth to children earlier that year and another cousin had three young children and it seemed like babies were coming out of the wood work. I jokingly told Jacqui that if the doctor told her she was having a girl that I would look into adopting. The moment I said those words, I knew that God had told me that I wasn't just going to look into it, but that I was actually going to do it. This also was a difficult time in my family's life because the doctors had found cancer in my dad. I had this really bad feeling that this was going to be the last Thanksgiving my dad would be at. On the ride back from Mississippi I told my parents about my decision. They were both supportive of the idea.
In December, my dad had surgery and the doctors were unable to remove the tumor. They did a surgery to bypass the tumor. Even though the tumor wasn't directly located in the pancreas, it was pancreatic cancer. This is pretty much a death sentence. We had a very sad Christmas that year but tried to keep our spirits up by talking about what to name the baby. That Christmas day, we all agreed on Olivia.
Over the next several months every time we had news about my dad, I heard news about the adoption. This held true down to the day my dad didn't wake up on May 27, 2005. On May 28, 2005, I received a letter in the mail that said my paperwork had gone through translation and was on it's way to China. The next day we buried my dad.
So now, on this wonderful adoption day, my anger at God for taking my dad away before he could see his first granddaughter took over. As I played with my daughter that afternoon I wept. I would look at my daughter and think about how wonderful and innocent she is and how happy I am to have her with me and at the same time I am mad that my dad couldn't be there. Why had God taken him away? A friends father was diagnosed the same time my dad was but he was still alive. Why my dad and not her's?
How cruel a person am I to have all of these feelings on what should be such a wonderful and happy day. This day has been tarnished by unresolved feelings. My dad and I were so close. I was "daddy's boy," a true daddy's girl. Having no brothers, I was the one who went every where with my dad. And now, he wasn't here to see me become a mother. He wouldn't be here to see his granddaughter and he would never walk me down the aisle. I felt utterly cheated.
I didn't know at the time that adoptive parents can go through Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS). I felt like I was just a bad person and would be a bad mother becacuse I had never heard of PADS before and I didn't give birth so it couldn't be Post Partum Depression. I wish I had known this could happen.
So, to all of those familes who are going through the adoption process, please be aware that you could go through depression. You can relive all of the pain and agony and difficulties you went through getting to this point. I broke down in tears for over a week when I got back home and I didn't know what was gonig on until I found PADS on the internet. Knowing that I wasn't crazy or just a mean human being made me feel so much better and helped me deal with my feelings and understand what was happening. I was able to take an off-the-shelf pill called St. John's wort that really helped. It made me relax just enough to be happy about being a new mom. After a few months I felt like I could overcome anything.
I had prayed for over five years about adopting as a single parent. I believe that children need a mom and a dad so this wasn't a decision I could make alone. On Thanksgiving day of 2004 my cousin Jacqui announced that she was having another baby. Three of my cousins (including Jacqui) had just given birth to children earlier that year and another cousin had three young children and it seemed like babies were coming out of the wood work. I jokingly told Jacqui that if the doctor told her she was having a girl that I would look into adopting. The moment I said those words, I knew that God had told me that I wasn't just going to look into it, but that I was actually going to do it. This also was a difficult time in my family's life because the doctors had found cancer in my dad. I had this really bad feeling that this was going to be the last Thanksgiving my dad would be at. On the ride back from Mississippi I told my parents about my decision. They were both supportive of the idea.
In December, my dad had surgery and the doctors were unable to remove the tumor. They did a surgery to bypass the tumor. Even though the tumor wasn't directly located in the pancreas, it was pancreatic cancer. This is pretty much a death sentence. We had a very sad Christmas that year but tried to keep our spirits up by talking about what to name the baby. That Christmas day, we all agreed on Olivia.
Over the next several months every time we had news about my dad, I heard news about the adoption. This held true down to the day my dad didn't wake up on May 27, 2005. On May 28, 2005, I received a letter in the mail that said my paperwork had gone through translation and was on it's way to China. The next day we buried my dad.
So now, on this wonderful adoption day, my anger at God for taking my dad away before he could see his first granddaughter took over. As I played with my daughter that afternoon I wept. I would look at my daughter and think about how wonderful and innocent she is and how happy I am to have her with me and at the same time I am mad that my dad couldn't be there. Why had God taken him away? A friends father was diagnosed the same time my dad was but he was still alive. Why my dad and not her's?
How cruel a person am I to have all of these feelings on what should be such a wonderful and happy day. This day has been tarnished by unresolved feelings. My dad and I were so close. I was "daddy's boy," a true daddy's girl. Having no brothers, I was the one who went every where with my dad. And now, he wasn't here to see me become a mother. He wouldn't be here to see his granddaughter and he would never walk me down the aisle. I felt utterly cheated.
I didn't know at the time that adoptive parents can go through Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS). I felt like I was just a bad person and would be a bad mother becacuse I had never heard of PADS before and I didn't give birth so it couldn't be Post Partum Depression. I wish I had known this could happen.
So, to all of those familes who are going through the adoption process, please be aware that you could go through depression. You can relive all of the pain and agony and difficulties you went through getting to this point. I broke down in tears for over a week when I got back home and I didn't know what was gonig on until I found PADS on the internet. Knowing that I wasn't crazy or just a mean human being made me feel so much better and helped me deal with my feelings and understand what was happening. I was able to take an off-the-shelf pill called St. John's wort that really helped. It made me relax just enough to be happy about being a new mom. After a few months I felt like I could overcome anything.
Adoption Day - August 17, 2006
Last night was my first night with my baby girl. Today she will officially become my daughter. I had a meeting in Maggie and Grace's room last night and moments after I left my room, Ming Li fell asleep and she was still sleeping when I got back. I didn't sleep at all that night. Ming Li slept great until 12:30 when she wanted her bottle. She went right back to sleep, but I still couldn't sleep.
I quickly gave Ming Li a bath this morning and washed her hair. She really does love the water. We had to meet downstairs at 8:30 to go back to the Civil Affairs Office for two separate interviews. This time WE were the ones being interviewed. A lot of the babies cried because they recognized the place from the day before. Ming Li did very well and didn't cry at all. I must say that Ming Li does NOT like bus rides. This was the only time she fussed. She doesn't like the Snuggli carrier that I had either. It sure would have made things easier if she had. My arms are going to fall off.
During each interview we were asked why we chose to adopt in China. Our passports were also checked to make sure we were who we said we were and to make sure the children were given to the correct parents.
The final step was the adoption photo. Our first family photo. Olilvia-Reh (it is now official) and I were both weariing lavendar so we could match even though I didn't know we were having pictures taken that day.
Later that afternoon Trish went to work out and I was left alone with Olivia-Reh. We sat on the floor and played with the toys I had brought. At first she didn't do too much but after a few mintues she started checking things out. She soon pulled herself up to stand by the bed and I clapped and cheered for her. What an exciting moment! By the time Trish got back, Olivia-Reh had done this several times. She was now rocking herself back and forth on the floor and I was telling Trish that you should see Olivia-Reh's trick. The next thing we knew, Olivia-Reh had passed out on the floor. She was so cute that we had to take a picture. I then put her in her bed for a nap and she slept for three hours.
Interview with the Orphanage Director August 16, 2006
During our morning group meeting, we were told that we would have the opportunity to interview the orphanage director or nanny depending on our situation. Coming up with questions to ask was more difficult than I thought. I finally came up with a list of questions, with the help of Trish, but I was so excited and wrapped up in holding my daughter that I didn't take the list in with me. However, here are the questions I remembered.How long was the drive from the orphanage? Six hours.
Does she get a bottle at night? Yes, at 1:00.
How does she like to be held? Facing out so she can see.
Does she like baths? Oh, yes.
Does she like to be tickled? Very much.
Does she prefer a certain color? Reds.
What is her favorite thing to do? Listen to music and play with adults.
What name has she gone by at the orphanage? Li Li.
Grace, one of our reps, is helping me with the translation. The orphanage director is on the right and one of Ming Li's care giver's is to the far right.
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